Since the post fast about 3 weeks ago, I have not ceased my poor eating habits. I'm certain at this point it has nothing to do with the curse, or that time of the month, but in any case, all attempts to rid my bad habits with the help of the fast has gone down the drain. My bud during this experience has had much better luck with maintaining good eating habits, as well as overall lifestyle changes since the experiment; I, on the other hand, have had little to no luck on that front. To paint you a better picture, I have had nothing BUT fast food in the form of sweetened coffee, pineapple buns, cocktail buns, loads of bread, ice cream, burgers, fries, cakes and just about any other not-so-good for you food post fast. I actually started feeling really crappy as of late, and want not to leave my room, only on the occasion of getting to and from class, any extra activity that seems relatively unnecessary I have stayed away. I'm even lacking the enthusiasm to go see my significant other as a result of this lapse in healthy decision making, which I had once been an avid believer, to the extent that you could not talk me into eating fries, even if you paid me for it.
For whatever reason, I have had very little trouble in talking myself into eating a burger, or a burger, fries, soda and dessert, immediately after devouring a pineapple bun with mini pork buns on the side. As of today, that all has to stop. Not only am I starting to have a negative outlook on the outside world, but I no longer seem to want to be in it. I use to wake around 5-6AM on weekend mornings just to go for a jog around the lake, or spend an hour in the gym. I'd even try to schedule in time during boyfriend visits, just to make sure I got my exercise in. I'd count calories subconsciously and tell people I really wasn't, at least then I had some sort of control over my life. I feel as though these past couple of weeks I've lost all sense of control. The same control that I had been wanting to gain as a result of my experiment with fasting. I let fasting become a small part of my lifestyle, and reverted back to old eating habits, without thinking that the whole purpose of my fasting was to get that control, and to maintain it. Instead I harbored fantasies about all the fatty foods I would eat after. It probably was not a good idea to do this experiment with someone who constantly talked about eating pizzas, and cookies after the fast, but I admit part of that blame is my own, and I should fess up to it. I was easily persuaded away from the way I liked to eat, and now fancy that eating unhealthy is really the manner in which I like to eat. Sad, really.
I must gain control, and fast! (No pun intended.)
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