I started reading it a little over a week ago, and since then I have not given myself much time to put it down. Outside of work, and sleep..., only on the bus ride home, or during dinner (great family values, right?).
I started to see a very different me, through that book, the "me" that I always knew existed, but was in one way or form put second to an accustomed mannerism.
Growing up with parents who had deeply integrated mindsets of how things should be, and how my life should follow the same path which they walked was frequent, common, and typical. Yet, from reading it, I realize that their mindset, as a result, affected, and influenced how I view, and deal with others, often not to anyone's advantage.
In recent events, mostly as a result of the readings, I'm ever more aware of my faults and misconceptions, and how my life to this point has negatively affected my formerly rosy view of everyone and everything. I've become, like my significant other claims, too involved in other peoples' lives, whether it was my business to know or to think, and I treat others' negatively as a result of those views.
The most difficult obstacle is mentally battling those conceptions and following a certain path of reaction(s). In my minds' eye, I see the multitude of options, and the challenging part is weighing the pros and cons of each reaction/action. Of course, the difficulty lies not in seeing, because that's already embedded in me, but in the decision I often make to follow the negative reaction path, and being aware of the ensuing consequences.
My challenge will be to see the options, and be able to make the decision for what is beneficial in the long term.
Friday, March 28
Monday, March 17
Mar 17, 2008
So by now, we all know, or should have been informed that St. Patrick's Day was officially moved to March 15 (in Ireland, at least), sanctioned by the Pope, because it conflicted with the beginning of Holy Week.
Anyway, on to more personal items.
So today was a glimpse at what a workday would look like, if two of my coworkers decided to be out for the day. I have one on vacation, and another out sick, and yet another to be out in two days for a week. Funny thing is I'm the primary backup for most of their functions while they're out... thrilling to know that I'm so highly valuable now, though obviously replaceable, considering they did the same to a friend of mine.
Just one more year!
Anyway, on to more personal items.
So today was a glimpse at what a workday would look like, if two of my coworkers decided to be out for the day. I have one on vacation, and another out sick, and yet another to be out in two days for a week. Funny thing is I'm the primary backup for most of their functions while they're out... thrilling to know that I'm so highly valuable now, though obviously replaceable, considering they did the same to a friend of mine.
Just one more year!
Wednesday, March 5
Mar 5, 2008
If that doesn't sound sarcastic, I don't know what does. I went into hiatus after a semi-hectic year end, and year beginning, and did not get back into the normal groove of things until relatively recently.
Of course, if you know me, you'd know nothing's really normal.
Since my birthday in December, I have not seen my friend/exboyfriend at all. Sometime early last week, he sends me a text message, and asks me to lunch with he and his roommate. It was a good time, and since I had not seen the guy in over 3 months, I thought I'd stick around a little before doing the disappearing act, invited the guy to go running with me, and he in turn invited me to the Warriors game both Friday, and Sunday. I declined the Friday offer, and went to the game on Sunday. I had a good time, and there was no anxiety or romantic interest on either of our parts. It was good to hang out with someone who's good looking, and being able to merely be friends, etc. Of course, the rest of the world, excluding my friend and I, don't see it that way. It's automatically deemed wrong, and people start to question everyone else, "And the boyfriend's OK with this?", etc. Yet, despite all the negativity, the more that people object, the more I'm holding onto the one thing that people continually make the topic of conversation.
I won't lie, I had a lot of feelings for my friend when we dated, and with the sequence of events, everything was polarized, and he became an invaluable friend to me, for all his experiences with me, his insight and his frank and forthright attitude about everything. He's not afraid to set me straight, or to tell me I'm the one to have screwed something up, contrary to the dealings with other friends either too caught up in the positives in life, and how everything is fine and dandy if I can look to the other side of the fence. The sad truth is.. I want friends who are able to sit on this side of the fence with me, and be entirely blunt about the dump that I'm in, instead of always hoping I'd eventually get to the other side. As sad, and as self-deprecating as it sounds, I need it to be sane. And I only really have two friends who are able to do that, without much bias. With that, I'm not interested in partisanship, or how ones' opinions affect the sort of advice they give, and how they give it... I'm interested in cold, hard facts, seeing it entirely as an outsider, and that's entirely my two friends, JH and WF.
We commonly accept that there are deeply ingrained morals affected by societal "norms", which is why homosexuals have such a hard time getting rights. It's not because they're any different than any other person walking down the street, but having everything polarized and then to have courts argue whether it's right or wrong to legalize gay marriages, creates the idea that it's potentially "wrong". Yet, despite what is and is not right, I choose to go against what society deems as correct and incorrect. People often ask, why we're still friends, despite all the hardships I had been through, and often question whether it's an entirely platonic relationship. To that, I'd exclaim with a resounding "YES!", but I find myself having to defend the friendship from the mere fact that it is not the norm. And the funniest thing is, that's the very foundation of my wanting to keep the friendship alive, and thriving, not necessarily to prove a point, but because it is different, and almost unacceptable.
So anyway... here's to hoping I don't lose contact with him. And here's to hoping my boyfriend will eventually be okay with it.
Of course, if you know me, you'd know nothing's really normal.
Since my birthday in December, I have not seen my friend/exboyfriend at all. Sometime early last week, he sends me a text message, and asks me to lunch with he and his roommate. It was a good time, and since I had not seen the guy in over 3 months, I thought I'd stick around a little before doing the disappearing act, invited the guy to go running with me, and he in turn invited me to the Warriors game both Friday, and Sunday. I declined the Friday offer, and went to the game on Sunday. I had a good time, and there was no anxiety or romantic interest on either of our parts. It was good to hang out with someone who's good looking, and being able to merely be friends, etc. Of course, the rest of the world, excluding my friend and I, don't see it that way. It's automatically deemed wrong, and people start to question everyone else, "And the boyfriend's OK with this?", etc. Yet, despite all the negativity, the more that people object, the more I'm holding onto the one thing that people continually make the topic of conversation.
I won't lie, I had a lot of feelings for my friend when we dated, and with the sequence of events, everything was polarized, and he became an invaluable friend to me, for all his experiences with me, his insight and his frank and forthright attitude about everything. He's not afraid to set me straight, or to tell me I'm the one to have screwed something up, contrary to the dealings with other friends either too caught up in the positives in life, and how everything is fine and dandy if I can look to the other side of the fence. The sad truth is.. I want friends who are able to sit on this side of the fence with me, and be entirely blunt about the dump that I'm in, instead of always hoping I'd eventually get to the other side. As sad, and as self-deprecating as it sounds, I need it to be sane. And I only really have two friends who are able to do that, without much bias. With that, I'm not interested in partisanship, or how ones' opinions affect the sort of advice they give, and how they give it... I'm interested in cold, hard facts, seeing it entirely as an outsider, and that's entirely my two friends, JH and WF.
We commonly accept that there are deeply ingrained morals affected by societal "norms", which is why homosexuals have such a hard time getting rights. It's not because they're any different than any other person walking down the street, but having everything polarized and then to have courts argue whether it's right or wrong to legalize gay marriages, creates the idea that it's potentially "wrong". Yet, despite what is and is not right, I choose to go against what society deems as correct and incorrect. People often ask, why we're still friends, despite all the hardships I had been through, and often question whether it's an entirely platonic relationship. To that, I'd exclaim with a resounding "YES!", but I find myself having to defend the friendship from the mere fact that it is not the norm. And the funniest thing is, that's the very foundation of my wanting to keep the friendship alive, and thriving, not necessarily to prove a point, but because it is different, and almost unacceptable.
So anyway... here's to hoping I don't lose contact with him. And here's to hoping my boyfriend will eventually be okay with it.
Tuesday, March 4
Mar 4, 2008
Had my annual performance review today, the last hour of the my work day, for the 6 months of 2007. Was a really good review, despite the numbers associated for such a review. Manager acknowledged that she sees the effort I put into the work that I do, acknowledges that I ask a lot of good questions, am ambitious, am confident in myself, confident enough to ask questions when not knowing, am someone who has picked up a lot in the short amount of time with the company, am someone who analyzes everything/goes beyond just what is told, am someone who takes on a lot, who despite a large amount of work can work under stress, and am someone who sees the bigger picture, and goes beyond just the day to day, am forthright in trying to create better ways to do things.
Goals she sees for 2008, besides the standard set ones: better communication, making connections/relationships with more people, making more suggestions/implementing possibly better processes, taking on more and more responsibility
On route for potential promotion in 2008. Here's to hoping this stays the course!
Yes to a all around good review, despite the numbers associated.
Goals she sees for 2008, besides the standard set ones: better communication, making connections/relationships with more people, making more suggestions/implementing possibly better processes, taking on more and more responsibility
On route for potential promotion in 2008. Here's to hoping this stays the course!
Yes to a all around good review, despite the numbers associated.
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