I used to have so much more random, free time to rest my mind, and recuperate. It hasn't been so for quite some time now. I'd even try to scrounge up my own free time to just sit around, so as not to overwhelm myself with all the constant work. Lately, I haven't seemed to be able to. Maybe it's a preoccupation with everything happening, or maybe it's just wanting to seem as if I'm constantly busy. I can't be quite sure which it really is.
I'll admit that the main reason for this post is not so much to relieve stress, but to point out a supposed obvious. I made a terrible mistake at work, because of the preoccupations, or what have yous... whatever the preoccupations were, whatever it was that I thought I was busy with caused me to make a mistake I'd inevitably been trying to avoid the first 12 months of my employment here. Being in the financial services doesn't help. I've been pulled aside a couple of times to discuss this mistake of mine, and the massiveness of it has been downplayed by those senior to me, as a mistake anyone could have made, and will possibly be made again, and again in the future, as though it was unavoidable with the checkoffs/signoffs that had been put off for other obligations, for all parties involved; however, even with the downplaying of sole responsibility for the mistake, it does not change the fact that having been a part of my new job description in the month's since Jessica's departure from the company, it was no one's mistake but my own. I can't help but think that the blame falls only on myself, no matter how much everyone claims that it is not.
I did learn a deal from it. I wasn't nearly as meticulous about my work as I normally would have been, going forward, however, will be a different story. Starting with last month's recon, and I will be dating ALL the way back to whenever it first went out. That's right!!
