First day back at work - and like many other days these past couple of months, I get very little done. I don't really have an excuse other than that I couldn't find my focus. I've lost interest in what it is that I do at work... there's little motivation to do better, because it seems the company doesn't recognize the effort. Recently I've been pulled in multiple directions, and it's good in that upper level management sees potential in me, and therefore has requested that I participate in more development and workflow projects/activities... however, it comes at a time when I have neither the time, nor the mental capacity to do it. Very few people recognize that I'm being pulled in these directions, both within my group, and without. I got a 4.5% salary increase, whoopdeedooo.
I wonder what will happen when....
Friday, October 28
Wednesday, October 19
Oct 19 2011
Southwest sent an email yesterday morning advertising another low fare deal, and I was booked for a trip about an hour after that. Instead of weighing the pros and cons of going on the trip, I booked it, and said, I'll deal with the logistics later. Later being after my week long vacation/trip that starts... tomorrow.
I'm living "on the edge". And I like it.
I credit this in part to the relationship I'm in. I'm with an individual who encourages me to live a life apart from him, yet is never afraid to tell me that he'd want to see me daily. He's athletic, so recognizes my need to exercise, even if it means spending more time away from him. He understands that I need to nourish my relationships with my family and friends, and in turn encourages me to engage with them often, separate from him. Yet, he never fails to include me his activities with his friends, and his family, and lets me know daily that he appreciates me. All of this has made the relationship easy, and life less regretful.
I'm living "on the edge". And I like it.
I credit this in part to the relationship I'm in. I'm with an individual who encourages me to live a life apart from him, yet is never afraid to tell me that he'd want to see me daily. He's athletic, so recognizes my need to exercise, even if it means spending more time away from him. He understands that I need to nourish my relationships with my family and friends, and in turn encourages me to engage with them often, separate from him. Yet, he never fails to include me his activities with his friends, and his family, and lets me know daily that he appreciates me. All of this has made the relationship easy, and life less regretful.
Monday, October 17
Oct 17 2011
I'm pent up frustrated. If my head were a balloon over an overheated glass bottle, my head would have exploded just now. I've learned over the last couple of years that I can be very vocal about what I need in order to get my job done - I do not have the patience to listen to, or sympathize, with whatever the excuses may be. I'm the person people think they can use/abuse mostly because I seem nice/innocent, but if I have a job to get done, and if an individual puts me in a position where I'm the scapegoat, I will put that person on the block - and let them know what's what. I don't play favoritism, and I don't particular want to play nice, and frankly, I don't care to be liked by everyone - I just want to get my work done and go home, and not have nightmares about what I still have yet to finish.
People better watch out, mid-November is not the time to mess with me... Angela on a rampage is not a pretty sight.
People better watch out, mid-November is not the time to mess with me... Angela on a rampage is not a pretty sight.
Thursday, October 13
Oct 13 2011
Today was my second day of crossfit. Second day of a regular crossfit class. Basics gave me a short and sweet taste of the exercise program, but did not fully prepare me for the intensity that is CrossFit. Part of the intrigue is that I'm challenged beyond my own perceived limitations, and the best part is the encouragement that you do not get at a "conventional" gym setting. People will run the extra 400m with you to make sure you finish your timed workout for the day (from here on out, what I'll refer to as WOD), and compliment on good, proper form. It's the type of setting I need: the structure of a classroom setting, and the people to push me to go the extra repetition, and struggle through the same workout.
At the standard gym, most people turn a blind eye when they see someone struggle to figure out proper use of exercise machines. Crossfit is bare basics, barbells, dumb bells, body weight exercises. I'm excited, because I'm challenged, and I think I love it. I'm hurting in places I didn't think could hurt, and I'm not crying to quit. It's a beautiful thing to be so enthusiastic about something I know I'll stick to, and I know I will perform well at.
Tomorrow will be a day of rest, hopefully this numb left arm will heal by then, and I'll do a Saturday morning session. I cannot look at the blog anymore, because seeing the WOD beforehand makes me fear going to class. No cherry picking here!
At the standard gym, most people turn a blind eye when they see someone struggle to figure out proper use of exercise machines. Crossfit is bare basics, barbells, dumb bells, body weight exercises. I'm excited, because I'm challenged, and I think I love it. I'm hurting in places I didn't think could hurt, and I'm not crying to quit. It's a beautiful thing to be so enthusiastic about something I know I'll stick to, and I know I will perform well at.
Tomorrow will be a day of rest, hopefully this numb left arm will heal by then, and I'll do a Saturday morning session. I cannot look at the blog anymore, because seeing the WOD beforehand makes me fear going to class. No cherry picking here!
Wednesday, October 12
Oct 12 2011
I don't have time... but I do have time to rant.
If I say "no", it really doesn't mean try to convince me otherwise. If I tell you I don't have time, it really means I don't have an hour to spend sitting through a demonstration for something I'm really not all that interested in.
You're trying to convince me to take my lunch to go see a demonstration on facial products, when I specifically said I don't use anything other than sunscreen, and a mineral veil, if that even. To make matters worse, the very individuals presenting this information do not have skin I'd covet, so why then, would I willingly spend my one measly hour away from my desk (if I even decide to step away from my desk) to sit through an hour presentation on how to care for my face, when really, it doesn't seem like you do? I started using sunscreen religiously about two years ago, anti-aging night creams, and elixirs in the last year because it's never too early to reduce the signs of aging, and you're trying to tell me there are other products I need to slather on top to make it better? If you comment on how my skin looks flawless, and I tell you I use nothing, why would you suggest otherwise, when it's fairly obvious that the more products you use, the more likely my skin, if not yours, will react to them, negatively?
(I use the term 'you' to refer to the broader universe, not the specific person who brought about my need to convey my thoughts on the subject of my face, or facial products...)
If I say "no", it really doesn't mean try to convince me otherwise. If I tell you I don't have time, it really means I don't have an hour to spend sitting through a demonstration for something I'm really not all that interested in.
You're trying to convince me to take my lunch to go see a demonstration on facial products, when I specifically said I don't use anything other than sunscreen, and a mineral veil, if that even. To make matters worse, the very individuals presenting this information do not have skin I'd covet, so why then, would I willingly spend my one measly hour away from my desk (if I even decide to step away from my desk) to sit through an hour presentation on how to care for my face, when really, it doesn't seem like you do? I started using sunscreen religiously about two years ago, anti-aging night creams, and elixirs in the last year because it's never too early to reduce the signs of aging, and you're trying to tell me there are other products I need to slather on top to make it better? If you comment on how my skin looks flawless, and I tell you I use nothing, why would you suggest otherwise, when it's fairly obvious that the more products you use, the more likely my skin, if not yours, will react to them, negatively?
(I use the term 'you' to refer to the broader universe, not the specific person who brought about my need to convey my thoughts on the subject of my face, or facial products...)
Tuesday, October 11
Oct 11 2011
On the cusp of my twenty-eighth birthday, I feel it necessary to reflect on the short life that I have lived. Just last night, sitting at the dinner table, I started a statement with “when I grow up”, and quickly realized that in my late 20s, most would view me as already grown up. In my mind’s eye, with living parents, still very able-bodied, I continue to cry to my parents when I struggle with things that I figure they would be able to “fix”. I have a mortgage, not like many of my peers, started to save for retirement in my early twenties, and calculate to the penny how my monthly paycheck will be spent in order to “make ends meet”. Even with these responsibilities, I feel I’m too far behind. This week saw the passing of the visionary behind Apple Computers, Steve Jobs – someone who forged a path that affected the lives of many.
I, too, want to make an impact, but I allow fear to be my crutch, to be my excuse for every inaction. Steve Jobs once said, “You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever…. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it… Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”
As with life, I think I have years and years left to live. In some respects I want to save some part of myself, my savings, my adventures for later, for when I have time, or the means to do so, but Steve Jobs’ commencement speech at Stanford sums it up well. I should live each day without fear, and as though it were my last, because I don’t want to be at my deathbed wishing I had done something different. As sad as it is to admit, I fear I have wasted a portion of my life, doing what others wanted me to do, making decisions based solely on the opinions of others, instead of listening to my own intuition. I’m happy to say that I finally found my own voice, and I’m going to listen to it.
Lastly, to the one person who has made me strive to be a better person, every day - Happy 4 months. It seems like I've known you for an eternity, and I don't really wonder what life would be like if we decided not to start this journey together. Because, honestly, I cannot imagine what everyday would be like without ending it in your arms.
I, too, want to make an impact, but I allow fear to be my crutch, to be my excuse for every inaction. Steve Jobs once said, “You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever…. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it… Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”
As with life, I think I have years and years left to live. In some respects I want to save some part of myself, my savings, my adventures for later, for when I have time, or the means to do so, but Steve Jobs’ commencement speech at Stanford sums it up well. I should live each day without fear, and as though it were my last, because I don’t want to be at my deathbed wishing I had done something different. As sad as it is to admit, I fear I have wasted a portion of my life, doing what others wanted me to do, making decisions based solely on the opinions of others, instead of listening to my own intuition. I’m happy to say that I finally found my own voice, and I’m going to listen to it.
Lastly, to the one person who has made me strive to be a better person, every day - Happy 4 months. It seems like I've known you for an eternity, and I don't really wonder what life would be like if we decided not to start this journey together. Because, honestly, I cannot imagine what everyday would be like without ending it in your arms.
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