Monday, October 28
Oct 28, 2013
The engagement to this point has been a whirlwind of a journey. With three of my close friends married in recent years, I knew a few things: I didn't want to scramble, and end up paying for something I don't want, and I knew I didn't want to be a bridezilla, the result: attempting to find, book, and contract all pertinent services as early as possible.
How? I set a deadline for myself, December 31, 2013 to put things in perspective.
We're now 4 months into our engagement, with photographer, venue, videographer, make up artist, and hair stylist contracted, 3 of 4 bridesmaid dresses, and a wedding dress picked out. Save the Dates are scheduled to arrive today, and our engagement session is scheduled for next Saturday, not to mention we have some form of a finalized guest list, with addresses and contact numbers. Crossing items off the to-do list!
What's next? We've been in contact with our cake vendor (venue preferred vendor) about design and taste, and over the weekend got confirmation from our venue that we are okay to move forward. We've picked a flavor and a potential look, we still have to finalize details and sign a contract. We have also been trying to get a hold of the preferred florist to get a feel for what we want as a table centerpiece, Jeremiah and I have a preferred floral design already, we still need to talk details, cost estimate, and maybe sign a contract.
Still waiting to: return call to DJ management, set up tasting with preferred food vendor, discuss beverages.
finding the wedding dress: I booked an appointment to see a stylist at a local bridal shop on the notion that "HEY! This is probably the only day that all of my bridesmaids will be in the same place at the same time... might as well." I had no intention of finding a dress, or had I thought that I was seriously looking for anything. Yet, when I scheduled the appointment, they asked if I had a shape in mind, and I said fit and flare. I was open to trying all types of dresses, with and without straps... and about an hour and a half of putting on and taking off just 4-5 dresses, my group had narrowed it down to two dresses, both fit and flare.
I do know what I look best in, instinctively... and the resounding approval only confirmed that. And, yes, I do have one picked out. I'm waiting to hear back from my consultant to see if the dress will still be in production early next year.
Angela had flown in from NV, Kris and Tracy had driven in from Sac-Stockton, and my Saturday had started early - 6AM wake up call. The schedule for the day:
6:00A - wake up call
8:30 - pick up Angela at airport (30 min drive)
9:30 - return home
10:00 - girls meet at my house
11:00 - tea party reservation (1.5 hour tea)
12:30 - 2:45P - bridesmaid dress shopping
3:00 - bridal dress appointment (1.5 hour)
6:00 - 10:00 - wedding party social at the boy's house
Extremely productive, and apparently everyone had a lot of fun. I'm glad for it.
I don't ever want to feel the way I do sometimes when I attend other brides' events, left out, so if it looked like I was not spending enough time, I would make an effort to move myself around. I just don't want anyone else at my event to have to feel that way.
Success! Love it.
Tuesday, July 16
Jul 16, 2013 - The Engagement.
july 8
i want to remember when my kids ask me when they're ready to get married, "mom how did dad ask you". i want to have a vivid memory of how he asked, how i felt. an honest memory. not one clouded by years in between, a story told and retold and fluffed up with years of experiences.
in hopes of this blog surviving another couple of decades, to my future children:
it happened a week ago, yesterday, july 8.
it's been crazier at work. and last monday, when i texted jeremiah at around 3P to see when he was getting home, i planned to let him know i'd be at work later.
every 10-20 minutes after that, he'd text to ask when i was going to be home.. and that was unusual. he barely if ever would be the first to text me, usually i can expect him to respond to a text i've sent him. anyway monday was different. every so often he'd text to see if i was home yet, or if i was on my way, and when i finally got to text him back on my way home from the train station, he said, "i'm at your house".
it didn't surprise me really. the last few weekends we've been frequenting japanese gardens, and doing a lot of clean up yard work prepping the grounds for when we would really get to re-do the garden. this would be years down the line, but we were already prepping. taking out stumps, maintaining the lawn, etc. anything to make it pristine. so when i found jeremiah's car in front of my garage, and him sitting on my porch steps, he was excited, so i expected the excitement to be about the maple trees we had been growing in the back patio area.
all the while, he's hugging me, and kissing my cheeks, and says over and over again, "i have something to ask you". he then tells me to take the keychain and to pull it apart. i had hung the keychain on a picture hanging hook on my bedroom wall, afraid to damage it since he told me time and again how important this thing was to him. he had given it to me several months after we started dating, and said to hold on to it, and when the time came he would tell me why it was so important to him that i kept it safe. i take the keychain off the hook, and being prompted on how to pull it apart, he gets down on one, or both, knees, and while he's in the middle of asking me to marry him... i question out loud, "seriously?!??! are you REALLY asking me RIGHT now?? ...... really???"
I probably stood there without an answer for a couple of minutes, not knowing what to say. Not necessarily in awe, or shocked, or so full of excitement that I didn't have words. I honestly did not know what to say. My mind had gone completely blank, and when I realized that I had stood there without an answer, I said Yes without even thinking. I'm not sure if when people say yes to marrying someone if their minds go blank, or if there's a moment of confusion... I'm not sure what's suppose to happen, and maybe that's why I was confused and didn't answer. I mean, how WAS I supposed to act?
Up to this point, only one person knew that I already knew the keychain contained the little question. In a heated argument not long ago, I had questioned whether Jeremiah would ever ask me. In his defense, he had blurted out, several different times, that I'd understand or I'd know if I took the thing apart. I had taken it apart after an argument where I felt completely heartbroken. I think I always knew it was there. And I think I always knew exactly how he felt about me, even hours I said yes to being his girlfriend. I'm not sure why knowing that he'd ask, or even the actual asking made any difference. Maybe I needed the confirmation... but when I saw the question, I felt like I took that away from him, and so I attempted to keep it to myself... that didnt' work. I slipped the information to him... but even now I'm not sure he really understood what I told him.
(If you ever get to read this... now you know.... eeecckkk... LOVE you!)
... I didn't just take them away from him, my mom took away the element of surprise when she called one afternoon on my train ride home from work. "Hi. Jeremiah called to say he's coming over after work, I expect you will be coming home, too. Well, just come over, we made dinner for you both. Bye." My mom didn't know that Jeremiah had not talked to me about going to my parents for dinner... or that he had no intention of having me there for it. When I explained to her in simple terms, the a-ha moment came and she simply said, "well, just pretend you don't know"
I guess that's an entry on its own. Of course it didn't change that I didn't know what they talked about precisely, I just knew that he went and he was probably there to get approval/ permission. My parents didn't know when or where, they just knew it would happen.
I only have one thing to say. It's different talking about it. No matter how much you talk about it, it will never change the experience you have when you are asked. That magic only comes when you know for a fact that this other person really wants to spend the rest of his/ her life with you, and he/ she knows it with so much certainty that they are proclaiming it with a physical object to place on your ring finger. That can never be taken away.
Happy 1 week engagement, to me! :-) I hope this blog survives long enough for you to read it...
i want to remember when my kids ask me when they're ready to get married, "mom how did dad ask you". i want to have a vivid memory of how he asked, how i felt. an honest memory. not one clouded by years in between, a story told and retold and fluffed up with years of experiences.
in hopes of this blog surviving another couple of decades, to my future children:
it happened a week ago, yesterday, july 8.
it's been crazier at work. and last monday, when i texted jeremiah at around 3P to see when he was getting home, i planned to let him know i'd be at work later.
every 10-20 minutes after that, he'd text to ask when i was going to be home.. and that was unusual. he barely if ever would be the first to text me, usually i can expect him to respond to a text i've sent him. anyway monday was different. every so often he'd text to see if i was home yet, or if i was on my way, and when i finally got to text him back on my way home from the train station, he said, "i'm at your house".
it didn't surprise me really. the last few weekends we've been frequenting japanese gardens, and doing a lot of clean up yard work prepping the grounds for when we would really get to re-do the garden. this would be years down the line, but we were already prepping. taking out stumps, maintaining the lawn, etc. anything to make it pristine. so when i found jeremiah's car in front of my garage, and him sitting on my porch steps, he was excited, so i expected the excitement to be about the maple trees we had been growing in the back patio area.
all the while, he's hugging me, and kissing my cheeks, and says over and over again, "i have something to ask you". he then tells me to take the keychain and to pull it apart. i had hung the keychain on a picture hanging hook on my bedroom wall, afraid to damage it since he told me time and again how important this thing was to him. he had given it to me several months after we started dating, and said to hold on to it, and when the time came he would tell me why it was so important to him that i kept it safe. i take the keychain off the hook, and being prompted on how to pull it apart, he gets down on one, or both, knees, and while he's in the middle of asking me to marry him... i question out loud, "seriously?!??! are you REALLY asking me RIGHT now?? ...... really???"
I probably stood there without an answer for a couple of minutes, not knowing what to say. Not necessarily in awe, or shocked, or so full of excitement that I didn't have words. I honestly did not know what to say. My mind had gone completely blank, and when I realized that I had stood there without an answer, I said Yes without even thinking. I'm not sure if when people say yes to marrying someone if their minds go blank, or if there's a moment of confusion... I'm not sure what's suppose to happen, and maybe that's why I was confused and didn't answer. I mean, how WAS I supposed to act?
Up to this point, only one person knew that I already knew the keychain contained the little question. In a heated argument not long ago, I had questioned whether Jeremiah would ever ask me. In his defense, he had blurted out, several different times, that I'd understand or I'd know if I took the thing apart. I had taken it apart after an argument where I felt completely heartbroken. I think I always knew it was there. And I think I always knew exactly how he felt about me, even hours I said yes to being his girlfriend. I'm not sure why knowing that he'd ask, or even the actual asking made any difference. Maybe I needed the confirmation... but when I saw the question, I felt like I took that away from him, and so I attempted to keep it to myself... that didnt' work. I slipped the information to him... but even now I'm not sure he really understood what I told him.
(If you ever get to read this... now you know.... eeecckkk... LOVE you!)
... I didn't just take them away from him, my mom took away the element of surprise when she called one afternoon on my train ride home from work. "Hi. Jeremiah called to say he's coming over after work, I expect you will be coming home, too. Well, just come over, we made dinner for you both. Bye." My mom didn't know that Jeremiah had not talked to me about going to my parents for dinner... or that he had no intention of having me there for it. When I explained to her in simple terms, the a-ha moment came and she simply said, "well, just pretend you don't know"
I guess that's an entry on its own. Of course it didn't change that I didn't know what they talked about precisely, I just knew that he went and he was probably there to get approval/ permission. My parents didn't know when or where, they just knew it would happen.
I only have one thing to say. It's different talking about it. No matter how much you talk about it, it will never change the experience you have when you are asked. That magic only comes when you know for a fact that this other person really wants to spend the rest of his/ her life with you, and he/ she knows it with so much certainty that they are proclaiming it with a physical object to place on your ring finger. That can never be taken away.
Happy 1 week engagement, to me! :-) I hope this blog survives long enough for you to read it...
Wednesday, March 6
Mar 6, 2013 - Update on New Year, New Job
When I started at my new employer, I was excited for the opportunity. They had been attempting to recruit for the position for well over half a year, and were unable to fill the position. They had reviewed and interviewed certified and MBA candidates, and were unwilling to settle with the choices they had. I only had my direct experience at a different campus location, working with the same material, and was considered the top candidate, after months of searching.
They were looking for someone who could "hit the ground running", so to speak, and who better than someone who had worked with the same information.
By no means am I even suggesting that I'm unqualified, I work hard, and my experiences speak volumes. I am suggesting that experience still, IMO, trumps a laundry list of accumulated degrees.
I had been looking forward to a change of scenery, a change of pace, and new hands-on experiences. The caveat though is that my manager does not seem to really know anything about what I do, and does not seem to really know what she's reviewing/approving. I can understand the learning curve; but coming in as someone who wanted to learn the other side of what I had been doing, I'm finding that I am really just learning on my own. I was forewarned that this would be the case, but had not anticipated how matter of fact it would be.
I have a gut feeling that if I do not get more support in the coming months, I will find any reason to start looking for other opportunities, where I will get a little bit more guidance when I'm at a new location/department/etc.
Come back for another update in a few weeks, or months, and we'll see if this has changed.
They were looking for someone who could "hit the ground running", so to speak, and who better than someone who had worked with the same information.
By no means am I even suggesting that I'm unqualified, I work hard, and my experiences speak volumes. I am suggesting that experience still, IMO, trumps a laundry list of accumulated degrees.
I had been looking forward to a change of scenery, a change of pace, and new hands-on experiences. The caveat though is that my manager does not seem to really know anything about what I do, and does not seem to really know what she's reviewing/approving. I can understand the learning curve; but coming in as someone who wanted to learn the other side of what I had been doing, I'm finding that I am really just learning on my own. I was forewarned that this would be the case, but had not anticipated how matter of fact it would be.
I have a gut feeling that if I do not get more support in the coming months, I will find any reason to start looking for other opportunities, where I will get a little bit more guidance when I'm at a new location/department/etc.
Come back for another update in a few weeks, or months, and we'll see if this has changed.
Friday, January 11
Jan 11, 2013 - New Year, New Job
For about two years now, I've been crying for more responsibilities, more work to justify a promotion, and an increase in pay; however, with the economy in the state that its been in, policies surrounding compensation have changed, and volume of work has significantly increased. I've been denied increases for any number of reasons, and I should be lucky to even have a job. Employees were laid off to ensure effective use of resources, but people like me are doing triple the load without the recognition. So, it shouldn't surprise anyone that I would take my experiences and willingness to learn to work for someone willing to recognize that and to advance my own career.
I've always said that everything I've experienced thus far in life has made me the person that I am. I would never let anyone take advantage of me, and I will always stand up for myself. If I don't do it for me, no one else will. Yet, since I started, I've gotten "because of the salary freeze, we have to start you below others", "because of the deficit, no one is getting a raise", "i'd have to rewrite your job description to upgrade the position", and if I don't see that I'm being undervalued, THEY will continue to take advantage. So fed up and brimming with resentment, I started applying to every job that I saw value as a next step in my career. Within weeks, I was answering phone calls for interview requests, and after dozens of phone, first, second and third round of interviews, I decided to go with the one that didn't make a process out of the hiring process.
My last day is January 29, and I start with the new employer on February 4th. Yes, I am scared, but excited for the experiences this journey will give me.
With persistence, results will follow. Thank you for giving me the strength to see my value each and every day, even when it's difficult to set your own challenges aside to help me see mine.
I've always said that everything I've experienced thus far in life has made me the person that I am. I would never let anyone take advantage of me, and I will always stand up for myself. If I don't do it for me, no one else will. Yet, since I started, I've gotten "because of the salary freeze, we have to start you below others", "because of the deficit, no one is getting a raise", "i'd have to rewrite your job description to upgrade the position", and if I don't see that I'm being undervalued, THEY will continue to take advantage. So fed up and brimming with resentment, I started applying to every job that I saw value as a next step in my career. Within weeks, I was answering phone calls for interview requests, and after dozens of phone, first, second and third round of interviews, I decided to go with the one that didn't make a process out of the hiring process.
My last day is January 29, and I start with the new employer on February 4th. Yes, I am scared, but excited for the experiences this journey will give me.
With persistence, results will follow. Thank you for giving me the strength to see my value each and every day, even when it's difficult to set your own challenges aside to help me see mine.
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