Today's my last day at the Department of Health Services, and already I feel like I'm going to really miss a couple of the people here who have become such a big part of my everyday life, in the past 3 months that I have been here. Each person here has affected my life in very dynamic ways, my genetic counselor, Jackie, has given me the backbone structure to a good working habit, while Sharon has given me a look into what it means to truly have faith, in something... anything. And each has today given me something to remember them by, Jackie's cakes( she made me a BIRTHday cake) and Sharon's beliefs (she got me King James' version of the bible)... each- thoughtful gifts.
I think I'm going to miss it here.
Friday, May 25
Thursday, May 24
May 24, 2007
I was standing in the general wait area for the line at the cafeteria downstairs, when a girl scoots over, and exclaims "I really like your pants, where did you get them?". I've often gotten comments like that, and until recently I would tell them exactly where I purchased the article of clothing; however, in recent weeks, I've taken a kind of liking to my originality, or being a little different from the general public, with random combinations of clothing, and such, but when this girl asked, all I managed to say was, "Oh, I got it a while ago. I don't recall...", and frankly, I remember exactly where I purchased them. I suppose it's really just not wanting to see someone wear something you own, while you're wearing them. Another 2 hours, and I'm off to a hair appointment, or what I called "finalizing paperwork". Goodness, I really will make ends meet, at least I'm "resourceful".
May 24, 2007
Not in my lifetime of course, but here at the Department of Health Services, Genetics Disease Branch. It was interesting to note that a majority of people joked about the silliness of the fire drill, but in reality, when something of any magnitude is to happen at the branch, it would seem like all of these fire drills have well-prepared us for exiting the buildings in a timely fashion, knowing the end checking point, and knowing where alternate escape routes are located. Today's my last thursday here with my section, and my last day off the phones. I recall reading an article saying that in an average person's lifespan, they will change jobs an average of 3-4 times, before they settle on one. I think I'm a prime example of that, I'm on job #2, and only about 5 months into the real world.
Monday, May 21
May 21, 2007
at the Department of Health Services, Genetics Disease Branch.
It's been an interesting ride, and definite good use of my time. I'm happy about the transition nonetheless, because I've always wanted to do something useful with my time, other than assisting someone else's needs. I guess it's a matter of going to a university to get a degree, only to service others when I could have done that straight out of high school.
I'm happy about being able to walk across the street and not having to worry about falling flat on my face, and not knowing what to do, or where to go, because of benefits, but alas! I am exactly where I want to be, at the exact time that I should be doing it! I've been out of school for about 5 months now, and I was on vacation until mid-January, recouped from jet-lag for the rest of January, and started my job hunt about a week or two after that. By the end of February I was working at the Department of Health, having two job offers, and still more interested companies asking for interviews. I started my job hunt again mid March in hopes of finding something permanent, and was contacted beginning of April for a month long ride to a job offer at Schwab. And now, I'm at the end of the road.
I think I'm excited, but at the same time, I'm afraid. I know I'm ready to work, and I know I'll pick things up as quickly as would be expected, but I'm not entirely sure I'm ready to be in SF quite yet. I have another two weeks until I have to go in... here's to hoping things work out well!
It's been an interesting ride, and definite good use of my time. I'm happy about the transition nonetheless, because I've always wanted to do something useful with my time, other than assisting someone else's needs. I guess it's a matter of going to a university to get a degree, only to service others when I could have done that straight out of high school.
I'm happy about being able to walk across the street and not having to worry about falling flat on my face, and not knowing what to do, or where to go, because of benefits, but alas! I am exactly where I want to be, at the exact time that I should be doing it! I've been out of school for about 5 months now, and I was on vacation until mid-January, recouped from jet-lag for the rest of January, and started my job hunt about a week or two after that. By the end of February I was working at the Department of Health, having two job offers, and still more interested companies asking for interviews. I started my job hunt again mid March in hopes of finding something permanent, and was contacted beginning of April for a month long ride to a job offer at Schwab. And now, I'm at the end of the road.
I think I'm excited, but at the same time, I'm afraid. I know I'm ready to work, and I know I'll pick things up as quickly as would be expected, but I'm not entirely sure I'm ready to be in SF quite yet. I have another two weeks until I have to go in... here's to hoping things work out well!
Friday, May 18
May 18, 2007
I got a rather random call from a really good friend of mine today, during my lunch hour, only to receive it after I settled back in at my desk half past two. I called, and my heart almost sank when my friend spoke his next words, jokingly, "No, actually, I didn't call you." with a tone of extreme seriousness. I had forgotten his ability to control the tones in his voice, and it made me realize how long it had truly been since I last called, or hung out with him.
Thankfully, I have his girlfriend to thank, his girlfriend and I had tentative plans for this Saturday, just the two of us, in Sacramento, partially to acquaint myself with her parents enough so they feel at ease when heading out to the bay to hang out with us, and partially because I hadn't seen her in a really long time; however, my good friend informs me that "we" would not drive up to see her, instead she would drive down to hang with "us". Our tentative date plans for the TWO of us, were intruded upon by a boyfriend who apparently sees his girlfriend no more than any of us see our college professors outside of school. So it'll be a date between two, and an intruder, only I think in this case, I'm the third wheel.
I am however a little excited because I haven't seen either of them in a really long time, so it'll be a good chance to catch up, and to let them know of the plans for New York in September.
On a really good, and entirely un-related, note, I will get checks from my former roommates later this evening in an attempt to solidify our several-month long plans to go out to New York for spring fashion week 2008 in September. I cannot wait!
Thankfully, I have his girlfriend to thank, his girlfriend and I had tentative plans for this Saturday, just the two of us, in Sacramento, partially to acquaint myself with her parents enough so they feel at ease when heading out to the bay to hang out with us, and partially because I hadn't seen her in a really long time; however, my good friend informs me that "we" would not drive up to see her, instead she would drive down to hang with "us". Our tentative date plans for the TWO of us, were intruded upon by a boyfriend who apparently sees his girlfriend no more than any of us see our college professors outside of school. So it'll be a date between two, and an intruder, only I think in this case, I'm the third wheel.
I am however a little excited because I haven't seen either of them in a really long time, so it'll be a good chance to catch up, and to let them know of the plans for New York in September.
On a really good, and entirely un-related, note, I will get checks from my former roommates later this evening in an attempt to solidify our several-month long plans to go out to New York for spring fashion week 2008 in September. I cannot wait!
May 18, 2007
So it was inevitable after the first outing, but who would have imagined that those thoughts would be voiced only after two dates. Part of me is relieved that everything was laid out in such an upfront approach, and part of me feels cheated of the “game”, that men and women play each time they enter into something new. The former part is interesting to note, because it leaves little room to wonder, and to make excuses for random behavior, and so it gives me considerably more time to spend on myself, and since I don’t have to wonder, my desire in the game is drastically decreased, and so goes my resulting intrigue and appeal in the aforementioned.
So is it really a good thing? I’d say in a sense I won’t be as attached, because I won’t have exerted as much energy in achieving, or finding out, what I want to know, and am less invested… it would be less problematic. It would create less stress, and therefore fewer games. And to that end, the man benefits from not having to worry; however, in the sentimental department, I won’t be all girl-y and emotional and attached the same way he’d expect me to be… so maybe it’s not so great of a thing. Of course, this all depends on his perspective of what is good and bad.
So is it really a good thing? I’d say in a sense I won’t be as attached, because I won’t have exerted as much energy in achieving, or finding out, what I want to know, and am less invested… it would be less problematic. It would create less stress, and therefore fewer games. And to that end, the man benefits from not having to worry; however, in the sentimental department, I won’t be all girl-y and emotional and attached the same way he’d expect me to be… so maybe it’s not so great of a thing. Of course, this all depends on his perspective of what is good and bad.
Thursday, May 17
May 17, 2007
Or are those one in the same?
About a month ago, I agreed to go to my friend's birthday celebration, a party bus of all things. It turned out to be a big carpool to one club, and drinks were not allowed on the bus, but the music was deafening. I think I had ringing in my ears for about a week after that, but I digress. I met someone that night, and we hit it off in my near-drunken state. During the course of the night, I changed hands from one good friend to another, with the resonating words “It’s all good, we’re family. He’ll take good care of you.” And that was the end of our interaction.
Of the two intriguing fellows, I wanted very little to do with the latter, but the former had a lot of potential. And my gut knew it. There was an anticipatory email each night during the week that followed, and soon enough, we were at Point Reyes for our first hike together. Our meetings didn’t end there…
I agreed to a dinner with him last night, and I’m a little taken aback by how frank he is about me. There’s something very intriguing and refreshing when a guy is very open and frank. From the get go, his questions were very direct, and pointed. Here’s a short list of those questions:
What do you look for in a significant other?
How does someone make you think he’s your soul-mate?
What’s the different between dating and having a relationship?
How many people have you had sex with? Do you just have sex with anyone?
Why were you attracted to me? What attracted you to me? Obviously you’re attracted, if you’re hanging out with me.
So you use to date a lot of people at the same time, so let me ask you this, are you dating anyone else right now?
Things like “I want to know where we’re at, so that when we do meet, we’re not sending apparently different signals.. And really we don’t meet where we thought we were”. It’s funny because he brought up his last relationship with my brother’s good friend, and I’ve been worried about it. And for some odd reason he focused very little on that fact other than he turned away from a church because of the lack of support and love that he needed when they first separated, and then re-focused on me. He asked so many questions that I nearly felt completely un-clothed.
I guess it’s funny because he’s found my weakness, I’m frank to the point where I will tell anyone just about anything about myself, but from experience no one has been bold enough to ask. So to have someone finally ask me questions, which others would only try to assume through other means, is refreshing. I could really fall for someone like this, but I have to admit… I’m not so sure about the one tooth that sticks out on the bottom row of teeth. I’m petty, yes.
About a month ago, I agreed to go to my friend's birthday celebration, a party bus of all things. It turned out to be a big carpool to one club, and drinks were not allowed on the bus, but the music was deafening. I think I had ringing in my ears for about a week after that, but I digress. I met someone that night, and we hit it off in my near-drunken state. During the course of the night, I changed hands from one good friend to another, with the resonating words “It’s all good, we’re family. He’ll take good care of you.” And that was the end of our interaction.
Of the two intriguing fellows, I wanted very little to do with the latter, but the former had a lot of potential. And my gut knew it. There was an anticipatory email each night during the week that followed, and soon enough, we were at Point Reyes for our first hike together. Our meetings didn’t end there…
I agreed to a dinner with him last night, and I’m a little taken aback by how frank he is about me. There’s something very intriguing and refreshing when a guy is very open and frank. From the get go, his questions were very direct, and pointed. Here’s a short list of those questions:
What do you look for in a significant other?
How does someone make you think he’s your soul-mate?
What’s the different between dating and having a relationship?
How many people have you had sex with? Do you just have sex with anyone?
Why were you attracted to me? What attracted you to me? Obviously you’re attracted, if you’re hanging out with me.
So you use to date a lot of people at the same time, so let me ask you this, are you dating anyone else right now?
Things like “I want to know where we’re at, so that when we do meet, we’re not sending apparently different signals.. And really we don’t meet where we thought we were”. It’s funny because he brought up his last relationship with my brother’s good friend, and I’ve been worried about it. And for some odd reason he focused very little on that fact other than he turned away from a church because of the lack of support and love that he needed when they first separated, and then re-focused on me. He asked so many questions that I nearly felt completely un-clothed.
I guess it’s funny because he’s found my weakness, I’m frank to the point where I will tell anyone just about anything about myself, but from experience no one has been bold enough to ask. So to have someone finally ask me questions, which others would only try to assume through other means, is refreshing. I could really fall for someone like this, but I have to admit… I’m not so sure about the one tooth that sticks out on the bottom row of teeth. I’m petty, yes.
Wednesday, May 16
May 16, 2007
I use to find a lot of comfort in telling my exroommates everything. And recently I realized that by getting these second opinions on my life, and on various decisions I make, worry me more than is entirely necessary.
When I ask for a second opinion, usually in the back of my mind, I have already made up my mind about what to do, but was looking for a little reassurance, by asking for the second opinions. What I failed to realize, of course, was that there are reasons for why everyone would make certain decisions about certain things. Life is always going to be full of surprises, twists and turns, and I won't always be able to make the "right", or the "correct" decision, but it is only through these trials and errors that I'll learn my own path. It only took an over-load of second opinions for me to finally see it.
So now I'm at a really good place, and I'm not worried, overly-excited (as I would be), or anxious. I'm a realist, I just needed to find my way.
When I ask for a second opinion, usually in the back of my mind, I have already made up my mind about what to do, but was looking for a little reassurance, by asking for the second opinions. What I failed to realize, of course, was that there are reasons for why everyone would make certain decisions about certain things. Life is always going to be full of surprises, twists and turns, and I won't always be able to make the "right", or the "correct" decision, but it is only through these trials and errors that I'll learn my own path. It only took an over-load of second opinions for me to finally see it.
So now I'm at a really good place, and I'm not worried, overly-excited (as I would be), or anxious. I'm a realist, I just needed to find my way.
Wednesday, May 9
May 9, 2007
Or so it seems.
I've come to the sad realization that I somehow find myself in the most awkward of situations. Here's one to chew on...
I recently met someone who seemed like the most eligible/available of guys, and seemed really nice. As it turns out, this guy recently got out of a two year relationship with a girl who just so happens to be really good friends (maybe even best friends at one point) with my younger brother. Not only that, he and I have a mutual close friend.
This guy and I have exchanged quite a few long emails, and he recently asked for my number. Of course, being good friends with our mutual friend makes it hard, because I tell the guy everything. So as my friend is telling me, after consistently probing, that he thinks it may not be such a good idea, the guy is calling me, and emailing me to say that if there were something wrong with me, he was certain our good friend would inform him. Problem is... our good friend isn't telling him not to date me, he's telling me not to date him.
Already, the guy has asked to go hike, skydive, hang out, and watch his hockey games... and I'm just as confused as ever. I'm ready, but I don't think we're on the same level! I'll be the tortoise this time, and see how it goes.
I've come to the sad realization that I somehow find myself in the most awkward of situations. Here's one to chew on...
I recently met someone who seemed like the most eligible/available of guys, and seemed really nice. As it turns out, this guy recently got out of a two year relationship with a girl who just so happens to be really good friends (maybe even best friends at one point) with my younger brother. Not only that, he and I have a mutual close friend.
This guy and I have exchanged quite a few long emails, and he recently asked for my number. Of course, being good friends with our mutual friend makes it hard, because I tell the guy everything. So as my friend is telling me, after consistently probing, that he thinks it may not be such a good idea, the guy is calling me, and emailing me to say that if there were something wrong with me, he was certain our good friend would inform him. Problem is... our good friend isn't telling him not to date me, he's telling me not to date him.
Already, the guy has asked to go hike, skydive, hang out, and watch his hockey games... and I'm just as confused as ever. I'm ready, but I don't think we're on the same level! I'll be the tortoise this time, and see how it goes.
Tuesday, May 8
May 8, 2007
So in the last month I have had a coworker change from extremely friendly to downright dislike, with no valid reason for the shift in behavior. I've been thinking a lot about resumes, and interviews lately, and have been on the lookout for anything noteworthy to draw from my experiences here at the Department of Health, and it finally came to me today.
During interviews, the interviewer sometimes ask if I've had to deal with people who aren't easy to work with, not necessarily personable, etc, and what I would do in those cases when I'd be forced to work with them. I've always had an answer, and it's the usual, I'd work through it, and although I've never encountered too many of those sorts of people, I'd trudge on, because in all honesty, I'm not at work to make friends, it's nice when you do, but all in all, I'm here to work, and in order to fulfill my responsibilities as an employee, I would ignore the unfriendly front, and do my work to the best of my ability.
For two days now I've had next to no work to do. And I've been boggled by my co-worker's outright dislike, or seeming dislike, of me. Today I grew tired of not talking at all, and feeling completely useless and idle, so I stood at her cubicle, and asked for work, like there wasn't an issue. I ignored the problem, and went about my work, as though her dislike of me didn't matter to me. And it's interesting because the way I dealt with the situation is just as I had described how I would deal with a situation like that if it ever came up with the director in a relatively recent interview.
Anyway, now I feel like my section is a war zone. Both of the permanents are sitting directly across from each other, and they're on the phones most of the day, one for work, and one for personal use. Regardless of the USE, they seem to be raising their voices to outspeak the other person, so it gets annoyingly loud!!!
And I can't wait for either of the emails! =] Hopefully good news on both ends.
During interviews, the interviewer sometimes ask if I've had to deal with people who aren't easy to work with, not necessarily personable, etc, and what I would do in those cases when I'd be forced to work with them. I've always had an answer, and it's the usual, I'd work through it, and although I've never encountered too many of those sorts of people, I'd trudge on, because in all honesty, I'm not at work to make friends, it's nice when you do, but all in all, I'm here to work, and in order to fulfill my responsibilities as an employee, I would ignore the unfriendly front, and do my work to the best of my ability.
For two days now I've had next to no work to do. And I've been boggled by my co-worker's outright dislike, or seeming dislike, of me. Today I grew tired of not talking at all, and feeling completely useless and idle, so I stood at her cubicle, and asked for work, like there wasn't an issue. I ignored the problem, and went about my work, as though her dislike of me didn't matter to me. And it's interesting because the way I dealt with the situation is just as I had described how I would deal with a situation like that if it ever came up with the director in a relatively recent interview.
Anyway, now I feel like my section is a war zone. Both of the permanents are sitting directly across from each other, and they're on the phones most of the day, one for work, and one for personal use. Regardless of the USE, they seem to be raising their voices to outspeak the other person, so it gets annoyingly loud!!!
And I can't wait for either of the emails! =] Hopefully good news on both ends.
Monday, May 7
May 7, 2007
I kept this entry untitled, mostly because I have no idea what to title it.
There are several things on my mind, I'm at work... so I'm going to address this almost petty issue first. I have a coworker who consciously over the course of three weeks has gone from really cheerful conversing to blatently ignoring me. And the most irritating part has to be when greeted, she stares blankly as though she has no idea who you are, and then turns her head without saying a word. AND there has been no reason to my knowledge or to that of other people in my section for her behavior. It's just a matter of ignoring her obvious dislike now.
SO the shocker.... she's about 58 years old... so I think she's a little old to be playing such an immature game.
So moving along, one of my really good friends is newly out of a relationship, not her choice, and it has gotten me to examine relationships, and my own perspective/take on them. So what is it that men do differently from women? Why does it seem as though men are less affected by the break up of a relationship? I've always had a relatively rosy view of THE relationship, but of course that's been highly influenced by good friends with really long-term relationships. My own experiences have been spotty at best, mostly because of my own nature, and attitude towards men and relationships. I've had one serious relationship, with someone with whom I am still really close, but every other "relationship" has lasted no longer than 3 months, if it even got that far. I do have high standards, but in this day and age, it seems standards work well to knock off any potential disastrous, heartbreaking bad seeds.
I've decided (with the influence of some really good writers) that relationships work best when you have two complete* individuals entering into a relationship. Both people are doing their own thing, and fitting each other into their schedule as their schedule permits, neither are revolving their entire worlds around the other. As for the women, it seems the idea of all eggs in one basket should be taken into consideration... date many at the same time, so the energy, anxiousness, and obsessiveness is much lower because of the divided concentration. This is entirely my opinion, and it is also in my experience that it works well! I've had little time to think about any one individual because there are so many people, and it feels like I have a lot of friends with whom to hang out, and all that jazz, and it doesn't feel like I'm missing out on the whole dating scene.
Anyway, that's not all to the relationship tidbit... another point I wanted to touch on was this whole breaking up ordeal. I've been through it, but now when people come to me, I'm less sympathetic. I've always been brutally honest, and I seem to have a very masculine view about relationships, and so it always comes off as confrontation when I give advice to my girls... but what I don't understand is where this clinginess comes into play. I've always wondered if men are able to distinguish between really being in love with someone from being in love with the relationship.. to be even more wordy, loving the idea of the relationship, of being in a relationship, but not necessarily the other person in that relationship (if that made any sense). It seems as though most women fall for a guy, and I feel like a lot of my friends are into the relationship because of how they're treated, liking that they're dating at all, and of course while they're in the relationship I'm as excited as they are, but it never really seems to be about the other person as much as it is about just being treated right. Maybe it's the effect of all the worst case scenarios out there tainting it for the rest of us, so when we come by something that seems good, we take it, without much scrutiny. I feel like people do settle in relationships, and a portion of those people who do settle feel like that's just it for them, they can't do any better, and the chance that they have in front of them is really their last. They don't pick and choose who they date, they just take what's thrown at them, and with all that into consideration, they cling and dwell. I'm not stating for a fact that this happens.. I do feel that it may be a reason why some people will dwell on the lost relationship, or second guess what they could have done better if they had a second chance.
I sound like a pessimist, but I do believe in second chances, given the right circumstances, and maybe with a LOT of time. I don't think any relationship is fix-able, but I do think that time and experiences change people, and potentially two people who decided to break up will change with those... and could potentially meet up again and decide "WOW this is IT for me". But that's an only-if situation.
But another thing to question... I met someone recently. And from my interaction with the guy, I would have never guessed that he was fresh out of a relationship. It was a two year relationship, so what gives? How is it that he seems so alive and well after only being something like two months out of the relationship, yet showing a very confident exterior? Is it a macho thing? Maybe what this suggests is that women when breaking up should put up that masculine exterior, and maybe then we'll seem less afflicted, and maybe by seeming less afflicted in turn will become less so. That's just a thought, a really random thought.
There are several things on my mind, I'm at work... so I'm going to address this almost petty issue first. I have a coworker who consciously over the course of three weeks has gone from really cheerful conversing to blatently ignoring me. And the most irritating part has to be when greeted, she stares blankly as though she has no idea who you are, and then turns her head without saying a word. AND there has been no reason to my knowledge or to that of other people in my section for her behavior. It's just a matter of ignoring her obvious dislike now.
SO the shocker.... she's about 58 years old... so I think she's a little old to be playing such an immature game.
So moving along, one of my really good friends is newly out of a relationship, not her choice, and it has gotten me to examine relationships, and my own perspective/take on them. So what is it that men do differently from women? Why does it seem as though men are less affected by the break up of a relationship? I've always had a relatively rosy view of THE relationship, but of course that's been highly influenced by good friends with really long-term relationships. My own experiences have been spotty at best, mostly because of my own nature, and attitude towards men and relationships. I've had one serious relationship, with someone with whom I am still really close, but every other "relationship" has lasted no longer than 3 months, if it even got that far. I do have high standards, but in this day and age, it seems standards work well to knock off any potential disastrous, heartbreaking bad seeds.
I've decided (with the influence of some really good writers) that relationships work best when you have two complete* individuals entering into a relationship. Both people are doing their own thing, and fitting each other into their schedule as their schedule permits, neither are revolving their entire worlds around the other. As for the women, it seems the idea of all eggs in one basket should be taken into consideration... date many at the same time, so the energy, anxiousness, and obsessiveness is much lower because of the divided concentration. This is entirely my opinion, and it is also in my experience that it works well! I've had little time to think about any one individual because there are so many people, and it feels like I have a lot of friends with whom to hang out, and all that jazz, and it doesn't feel like I'm missing out on the whole dating scene.
Anyway, that's not all to the relationship tidbit... another point I wanted to touch on was this whole breaking up ordeal. I've been through it, but now when people come to me, I'm less sympathetic. I've always been brutally honest, and I seem to have a very masculine view about relationships, and so it always comes off as confrontation when I give advice to my girls... but what I don't understand is where this clinginess comes into play. I've always wondered if men are able to distinguish between really being in love with someone from being in love with the relationship.. to be even more wordy, loving the idea of the relationship, of being in a relationship, but not necessarily the other person in that relationship (if that made any sense). It seems as though most women fall for a guy, and I feel like a lot of my friends are into the relationship because of how they're treated, liking that they're dating at all, and of course while they're in the relationship I'm as excited as they are, but it never really seems to be about the other person as much as it is about just being treated right. Maybe it's the effect of all the worst case scenarios out there tainting it for the rest of us, so when we come by something that seems good, we take it, without much scrutiny. I feel like people do settle in relationships, and a portion of those people who do settle feel like that's just it for them, they can't do any better, and the chance that they have in front of them is really their last. They don't pick and choose who they date, they just take what's thrown at them, and with all that into consideration, they cling and dwell. I'm not stating for a fact that this happens.. I do feel that it may be a reason why some people will dwell on the lost relationship, or second guess what they could have done better if they had a second chance.
I sound like a pessimist, but I do believe in second chances, given the right circumstances, and maybe with a LOT of time. I don't think any relationship is fix-able, but I do think that time and experiences change people, and potentially two people who decided to break up will change with those... and could potentially meet up again and decide "WOW this is IT for me". But that's an only-if situation.
But another thing to question... I met someone recently. And from my interaction with the guy, I would have never guessed that he was fresh out of a relationship. It was a two year relationship, so what gives? How is it that he seems so alive and well after only being something like two months out of the relationship, yet showing a very confident exterior? Is it a macho thing? Maybe what this suggests is that women when breaking up should put up that masculine exterior, and maybe then we'll seem less afflicted, and maybe by seeming less afflicted in turn will become less so. That's just a thought, a really random thought.
Friday, May 4
May 4, 2007
I feel guilty for being paid x amount of dollars per hour to sit here, and not do anything. Maybe it's not the feeling guilty part, it's the being sick, and not having anything to do. I came to work for the joy of sitting at work, having people with whom to socialize, I just didn't expect today to be so calm as it was yesterday or the day before that... when I was sitting at home, with nothing to do. I'm a busybody by nature, and the act of getting a job was an act of desperation. I couldn't sit at home for another day without anything productive to do.
I came home around mid January from my China trip with my family. I had about 2 weeks of recovery time from the jetlag, actually in that period of time, I'd get ready for bed when everyone was getting ready for work, and I'd wake when everyone was going, and I had no intent of changing the pattern. So for 2 weeks, I stuck with the pattern, and it didn't bother me... of course when my normal sleeping pattern kicked in, I realized I was just sitting at home bored, most of the time. So I started job hunting my third week back from China, and soon learned that my job hunting abilities were very much at its tip-top shape. I got a lot of responses from my cover letter-emails, and was soon booked every day for an interview of some sort, but even before the first week was up, I was anticipating the news of one position, and cared not for any of the other opportunities that came a day or two later.
I took the administrative assistant position at the Department of Health Services ( soon to be the Department of Public Health), Genetics Disease Branch, working under one primary chief, but assisting another, and a head coordinator to 13 regional coordinators, who in turn coordinate about 9000+ labs collectively. Since I started at DHS, there have been times where I felt there was a mutually beneficial relationship, and at times where I felt sorely overeducated for the position in which I was employed. And it became fairly conspicuous in the weeks following my first interview at Schwab, and now in my last days here, I feel like a lot of work is piled onto my shoulders. It may be a result of knowing that if they can get all this work done before I leave, they'll know that upon my leaving, they're at least taken care of for an amount of time until they find my replacement.
I wonder how well they'll fit into the shoes that I have left in my place.
I came home around mid January from my China trip with my family. I had about 2 weeks of recovery time from the jetlag, actually in that period of time, I'd get ready for bed when everyone was getting ready for work, and I'd wake when everyone was going, and I had no intent of changing the pattern. So for 2 weeks, I stuck with the pattern, and it didn't bother me... of course when my normal sleeping pattern kicked in, I realized I was just sitting at home bored, most of the time. So I started job hunting my third week back from China, and soon learned that my job hunting abilities were very much at its tip-top shape. I got a lot of responses from my cover letter-emails, and was soon booked every day for an interview of some sort, but even before the first week was up, I was anticipating the news of one position, and cared not for any of the other opportunities that came a day or two later.
I took the administrative assistant position at the Department of Health Services ( soon to be the Department of Public Health), Genetics Disease Branch, working under one primary chief, but assisting another, and a head coordinator to 13 regional coordinators, who in turn coordinate about 9000+ labs collectively. Since I started at DHS, there have been times where I felt there was a mutually beneficial relationship, and at times where I felt sorely overeducated for the position in which I was employed. And it became fairly conspicuous in the weeks following my first interview at Schwab, and now in my last days here, I feel like a lot of work is piled onto my shoulders. It may be a result of knowing that if they can get all this work done before I leave, they'll know that upon my leaving, they're at least taken care of for an amount of time until they find my replacement.
I wonder how well they'll fit into the shoes that I have left in my place.
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