Mar 9, 2012

Why do I do this to myself?

See what looks like a black head, and SQUEEZE.

Result? A pimple in its wake.

Now it looks like I'm just breaking out, everywhere. And what really happened was I prodded, and poked when I should have just left it all alone - because there wasn't anything there to begin with...

Maybe this is my personality. I go looking for what's not there, prodding at things that are perfectly fine, and end up finding things I'm not looking for. Last night, for instance, my boyfriend forgot to mention that he had a hockey game. I'm about 10 minutes from his house, before he realizes to send me a text. I mean, he really did forget, and what did I do? Held it against him, and got upset.

In the grand scheme of things, there was nothing to be mad about. Sure, I was under-dressed for the rink, but I had a change of clothes in my sleepover bag. I pride myself in being versatile with things like long versus short hair, and the idea of "hair grows back" when someone seriously messes it up. I see that as an indication of how I view life - a good way to view life. Yet, here I am upset over something so minute. It was not even intentional - but I continued to be upset, and wanted him to know it. Really, all I wanted was to spend the rest of the night with him, and it didn't even really matter what we were doing - I also love going to his games, love watching him play, and love that he continues to do what he loves... so hockey wasn't an issue. At the end of the night, I had a great time. Why did I even fuss about it?

... maybe it was just me wanting him to myself. Hockey meant watching him, being there for support. I wanted actual face time, conversation - not me watching him from afar. Maybe that's it.