I guess because I always think my boyfriend and I are "meant" to be, in the most serious of ways, the slight idea that he may not share that opinion sends me in a whirlwind of emotions.
Ever since we got together, things have been good, really good. We have our differences, but for the most part, we're very madly in love, or at least I am. Even if I don't think about how we got to where we are, I think there's something real magical about us and us being in this relationship together. I have this deep attraction to him... an intellectual and emotional understanding that surpasses the physical that I've never felt before. Yet, at the very thought that he doesn't feel exactly as I do, I start to second-guess myself, and my feelings. I start to wonder how much he really cares about me and our relationship, how much is really special to him, and how much is just wanting to be in a relationship, wanting to fulfill a future goal. And that makes me insecure.
The very thought that this is just another relationship that can be replaced hurts. I can't smile about it. Even if he wished for me to smile for him once before he gets ready for work overseas via video chat... I just cannot do it. I don't feel happy about it. I'm so randomly upset by it that I'm not sure I can face him tomorrow...
... and it's not even his fault.
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