Boyfriend is abroad, traveling for business, again. Twice since we got together. This is extremely beneficial, for professional growth, I see it, and I think it's uber awesome. Professional. Emotionally, it sucks.
As the days go by, I'm filling it with things I use to do when I was newly single, and first moved into my house. I planned day dates with friends, and went out more... I could do all of those things now, while he's gone... but something about it being Thanksgiving, and wanting to be near him makes it difficult.
Initially I thought it was wonderful he had all of these opportunities, and frankly, still think they're wonderful... but they're disastrous for our relationship. Just as I'm starting to really open up, and let the layers fall away, I emotionally have to distance myself when he leaves for business.
Committing myself to being available for chats has made this especially draining - he and I never set guidelines for the protocol when he was abroad. He would tell me the time difference, we would figure when he awakes and when he sleeps, and would agree that particular hours were best for chatting. We never set a day/time. He would wake early so he could chat, and the assumption was that I would be on the other end ready to accept the chat session. And because we never set a time, I was, and am, always left wondering when he would be signing online to chat/video-chat with me... or if he would at all.
I do think I need to find a coping mechanism for his traveling for business, weeks at a time...
However, I'm not sure this would be a good thing... there are two things that can come of this mechanism. One, I find a way to deal with it, and we're dandy - his absence doesn't bother me, and I love him all the same. Or two, I find a way to deal with it, and start to build layers/walls around me - his absence eventually doesn't bother me, because I just don't care that he's away, and I may love him the same, or not at all.
I hope I find the former.
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