On the cusp of my twenty-eighth birthday, I feel it necessary to reflect on the short life that I have lived. Just last night, sitting at the dinner table, I started a statement with “when I grow up”, and quickly realized that in my late 20s, most would view me as already grown up. In my mind’s eye, with living parents, still very able-bodied, I continue to cry to my parents when I struggle with things that I figure they would be able to “fix”. I have a mortgage, not like many of my peers, started to save for retirement in my early twenties, and calculate to the penny how my monthly paycheck will be spent in order to “make ends meet”. Even with these responsibilities, I feel I’m too far behind. This week saw the passing of the visionary behind Apple Computers, Steve Jobs – someone who forged a path that affected the lives of many.
I, too, want to make an impact, but I allow fear to be my crutch, to be my excuse for every inaction. Steve Jobs once said, “You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever…. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it… Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”
As with life, I think I have years and years left to live. In some respects I want to save some part of myself, my savings, my adventures for later, for when I have time, or the means to do so, but Steve Jobs’ commencement speech at Stanford sums it up well. I should live each day without fear, and as though it were my last, because I don’t want to be at my deathbed wishing I had done something different. As sad as it is to admit, I fear I have wasted a portion of my life, doing what others wanted me to do, making decisions based solely on the opinions of others, instead of listening to my own intuition. I’m happy to say that I finally found my own voice, and I’m going to listen to it.
Lastly, to the one person who has made me strive to be a better person, every day - Happy 4 months. It seems like I've known you for an eternity, and I don't really wonder what life would be like if we decided not to start this journey together. Because, honestly, I cannot imagine what everyday would be like without ending it in your arms.
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