It's okay to be nice to some people, but then you approach every other person you encounter with that same demeanor, but they don't yield to that same courtesy, and YOU don't get the same results.
So what do you do?
You adjust.
You become more brash, and more demanding as a result of being denied. And with each following inquiry that receives that same rejection comes an equally demanding and assertive attempt, if not more so, to get what you didn't get in that first failed attempt. A reminder of how it had felt in that initial attempt.
Angered, and entirely NOT clear-headed.
----
You start to plot aggressively for the other party to become subservient, so much so that you start seething in the mouth. Only to calm a bit after listening to a good song or two. Of course, this wasn't the only thing making you seeth at the mouth, your superior has decided that she'd test the waters.
She sends you a message via an office messenger for you to see her at her desk.
It sounds important!
So even before you decide to go on lunch, you decide you'd head over after all your other mandatory tasks. You feared that it had something to do with your performance or something equally frightening...
...only you get over to her desk, and see several stacks of paper-clipped papers.
She pulls one. Flips the pages, and explains the scenario for which she will next task you. She tells you about the recent conversion, and what had been done.
Aha! You realize - it had nothing to do with you. It was about her, so, you agree. That's what good subordinates do. And that's what good managers do - delegate. Delegate all of their own tasks, so they can sit on their loins while you work for them, and THEY can sit and chit-chat in so-called "meetings" all day. That is how it works, isn't it??
You, too, flip the pages she has just handed you. You're relieved. It's only 4 pages. Four calls. Four different companies. How hard could it be?
----
Yet, you didn't realize that when you decided to fully commit yourself, that you pulled yourself into something that would make you even more angered.
----
You hang up with the last of the four companies.
Head over to let your superior know that you've accomplished the task, and declared the results of the task.
But wait! There's more...
She starts, "I wasn't able to...", and you knew it. She pulls a second stack of papers, and hands them to you. It's 12:55PM now. You figure another stack couldn't hold you too much longer, so again you approach this stack as you had the first. You bring the papers back to her, and you're fairly confident you'd head to lunch soon.
Ah.. you underestimated her, again.
She pulls yet another stack, and uses the same line, "Seems, these weren't on there either... could you...". This time you're thinking you're an idiot to not have said no. What could she have done?? Nothing. Because although she is your superior, she cannot demand your time, when you, too, have your own daily tasks.
Why, then, did you agree?
The only way to learn more is to take more.
What was surprising was that you didn't realize all the while that she would give you just one more stack, each time you returned, using the same line. You're almost convinced she intended to give you all 4 stacks, but to make the task seem lighter, she had given them to you one at a time, for a good hour and a half. When you finally had a breather it was 2:30PM. What's the point of going to lunch then?
So if you don't eat, people pretend to care that you didn't eat, but do they really? Did SHE care that you didn't eat much all day? Not particularly, and MAYBE the only reason she cared at all was not so much that you didn't eat, but that since you started working there you had been consistently losing weight, looking more and more lean, while she had been putting on more, and more, AND more weight. She only cared enough because next to you, she looked less healthy.
It's the crab in a bucket theory. You step too far ahead, and the other crabs grab at you, until you're in line with the others. Brilliant, no?
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