If that doesn't sound sarcastic, I don't know what does. I went into hiatus after a semi-hectic year end, and year beginning, and did not get back into the normal groove of things until relatively recently.
Of course, if you know me, you'd know nothing's really normal.
Since my birthday in December, I have not seen my friend/exboyfriend at all. Sometime early last week, he sends me a text message, and asks me to lunch with he and his roommate. It was a good time, and since I had not seen the guy in over 3 months, I thought I'd stick around a little before doing the disappearing act, invited the guy to go running with me, and he in turn invited me to the Warriors game both Friday, and Sunday. I declined the Friday offer, and went to the game on Sunday. I had a good time, and there was no anxiety or romantic interest on either of our parts. It was good to hang out with someone who's good looking, and being able to merely be friends, etc. Of course, the rest of the world, excluding my friend and I, don't see it that way. It's automatically deemed wrong, and people start to question everyone else, "And the boyfriend's OK with this?", etc. Yet, despite all the negativity, the more that people object, the more I'm holding onto the one thing that people continually make the topic of conversation.
I won't lie, I had a lot of feelings for my friend when we dated, and with the sequence of events, everything was polarized, and he became an invaluable friend to me, for all his experiences with me, his insight and his frank and forthright attitude about everything. He's not afraid to set me straight, or to tell me I'm the one to have screwed something up, contrary to the dealings with other friends either too caught up in the positives in life, and how everything is fine and dandy if I can look to the other side of the fence. The sad truth is.. I want friends who are able to sit on this side of the fence with me, and be entirely blunt about the dump that I'm in, instead of always hoping I'd eventually get to the other side. As sad, and as self-deprecating as it sounds, I need it to be sane. And I only really have two friends who are able to do that, without much bias. With that, I'm not interested in partisanship, or how ones' opinions affect the sort of advice they give, and how they give it... I'm interested in cold, hard facts, seeing it entirely as an outsider, and that's entirely my two friends, JH and WF.
We commonly accept that there are deeply ingrained morals affected by societal "norms", which is why homosexuals have such a hard time getting rights. It's not because they're any different than any other person walking down the street, but having everything polarized and then to have courts argue whether it's right or wrong to legalize gay marriages, creates the idea that it's potentially "wrong". Yet, despite what is and is not right, I choose to go against what society deems as correct and incorrect. People often ask, why we're still friends, despite all the hardships I had been through, and often question whether it's an entirely platonic relationship. To that, I'd exclaim with a resounding "YES!", but I find myself having to defend the friendship from the mere fact that it is not the norm. And the funniest thing is, that's the very foundation of my wanting to keep the friendship alive, and thriving, not necessarily to prove a point, but because it is different, and almost unacceptable.
So anyway... here's to hoping I don't lose contact with him. And here's to hoping my boyfriend will eventually be okay with it.
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