I've met the most intriguing person in the past year that I have been out of school. To be entirely honest, when I left college, I had hoped that with time, I would fate-fully return to the ex that had become such a big part of my growing and understanding of self.
I'm wrong though.
I came back from my Asia trip in mid-January, had a couple of weeks of jet-lag, and one night decided it was time to jump into the work world. I wasn't sure when I started job-hunting that I knew exactly where I wanted to be, but soon I found myself narrowing the fields, looking at lucrative fields, and seeing past just the present. I tried to picture where I wanted to be in a couple of years, and what I would need in order to reach that.
My resume evolved a lot. I became very involved in my own writing, even purchasing books for self-improvement. About a week later, I re-submitted my ill-written first drafts of what was originally my resume, and found that almost every job-posting for which I applied... responded within the next couple of days. I was offered a full-time position at a place I was originally relatively interested in, but rejected the offer to accept a temporary position at the department of health, because it seemed to open more doors than the position I would have taken. By the time I decided to accept this position, a couple of companies I had once been interested in had contacted me for an in-person interview... sadly, I turned them away before I even went in for the interview.
In the three months that I was an employee for Act1, I somehow got acquainted with a random individual online through a coworker, who adamantly wanted us to meet. In her words "He's a good looking young man, and you're a good looking girl, I think you guys should meet... whether you guys date is up to you, but meet him!" It was her adamant approval of a mystery man that I became extremely fascinated, and so began a relationship with some future. It was through Sharon's continued approval and praise that I became so intrigued by someone I barely knew. We emailed constantly, and often would send long emails talking about goodness knows what. This went on for the duration of my time at the Department of Health, with a gap of a month, when I decided it was hopeless to meet the fellow when he constantly seemed to bail on me, or refused to see me.
Oddly, on my last week at DHS, I got an email out of the blue with his usual line "Where'd you go?", and so I filled the fellow in on my current status, and acceptance with a new employer. Coincidentally, my last day was also his.. as was my supposed first day at work. It took the end of May until around July/August for him to finally agree to meet me. I wasn't sure what it was at the time that made him finally agree to go out with me... after 5 months of emailing back and forth, we finally met August 11, 2007. Since then, it seems we have become somewhat inseparable, spending most Saturdays during the weekend together, if not the entire weekend.
Recently, he has been opening up to me more. Asking me to ask him about him... and it was this way that I found he had been captivated by one picture of me, sitting on the floor at a Borders bookstore, with semi-dark attire, adorning a pair of thick white glasses, secretly smiling because of the logo on my tote bag, a symbol of communism that no one seemed to notice. It was this one picture that made him want to meet me.
I had not been as captivated, but by my attachment to what I had become acquainted with over the course of 5 months. He seemed to be enchanting in a very strange way, and I was intrigued because I wanted, I needed, to know if this person was who I thought he to be. I briefly got a glimpse of the fellow at a teleconference we had for genetic counselors at the Department of Health, and had not been entirely pleased with who I had gotten a glimpse of, but by this time, I had fallen not for the physical person, but for the person within.
Even now, it seems, most people are surprised to find that I am attached to someone I am not entirely attracted to, and at times, I wonder whether I am truly in it for me, or if I had become attached because of the months of intrigue, and what seems like an investment of my time and energy. Maybe it was this way that I had become so overwhelmingly tied to him.... yet, I still do not know for certain whether I really want to be in this.
As you can tell, again I have diverted from what I thought I needed, or wanted, to say. It seems I really am confused.
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