I often thought that my closest friends would be the most understanding; however, through the years, I've also learned they are the ones most likely to stab you in the back and not have any regrets, and if not stab in the back, they "fight" the dirtiest because over time they've in a sense gained my confidance and trust.
Last night for the first time, I felt really betrayed. Although it was between the two of us, it was still what I'd consider a "low blow". I made a comment, and retrospectively, I probably should have chosen my audience for that comment more carefully, but I had thought that he'd be truly accepting of any opinion I had, merely because he's a close friend and should know that my comments are entirely my opinion. Yet at the same time, even without disclosure, that fact should be duly noted.
I commented on how another friend and I wanted to date older guys.
I guess to begin with, there was a problem there, my close friend is OUR age, so he may have already taken that to be insulting, and maybe not even insulting so much, that.
In any case, he stupidly asks, why would you want to?
So I explained why I wanted to, and how I felt that guys our age didn't have the same mentality. Noting nothing further than that. He somehow got enraged, and decided to make completely belligerent remarks, without having thought over what he was saying. He essentially started telling me what I was saying, (putting words in my mouth) that what I WAS saying was that guys my age were not UP TO PAR. Not my words.
I further explained that I thought guys my age acted younger, and for example the guys that we met the previous night, although were "much older" seemed no older than late 25-26, which is essentially perfect because mentality and personality, everything as one, how a person behaves adds to the age factor. Of course this latter part is an embellishment to further explain my train of thought. I told him no more than that the guys from the night before seemed like they were OUR age.
I'm not sure if this seems out of the blue, or not, but I was insulted nonetheless. "I think you only want to date older guys because they're more established, and have more to offer".
No, that doesn't have accusation written all over it. That doesn't show that my CLOSE friend just called me a "gold digger". Maybe some of you think that he didn't actually say that, but coming from someone who has been my friend for some 9 years, that's hurtful. Yes I made a generalization that I shouldn't have made to him, possibly only to females, because apparently I have a really sensitive friend, but no less, it was my opinion based on my experiences. And outright he says that's what I'm doing.
I'm sure if I confided in some of my other closer friends, they'll simply reject my feelings, and tell me that he had no intention of saying what I thought he said, instead, he was just stating a fact, that I am generalizing a whole group of people.
Yes, I do admit, for the umpteenth time that I did generalize. I did in the course of our discussion/argument tell him that in choosing to date an older man, the chance of meeting someone who still acted/behaved as though they were 14 was smaller. His only remark was that I didn't make any sense. I'm sure I made perfect sense. Dating someone my age there's a 75% possibly higher chance that he still thinks/wants to be in college. And to add on top of that, I'm already much older than most of my friends, because I was born several days later than the cut off date. I've never acted as though I was 12 when I was 12, and have not acted that way while growing up. I was forced in a sense to grow up and fend for myself, and here comes someone who's just beginning to understand me and what I have to live with telling me what I'm after when making a choice for myself. Hmmm interesting.
It only makes me that much more angry when discussing it. Thankfully I have the one friend who agrees, and to make it even better thinks he's also a little well young for his age. I often feel like I have to explain why I think what I think to him, as though explaining to a 2 year old why it is that the sky is blue... maybe not that bad.
Vent over!
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