I kept this entry untitled, mostly because I have no idea what to title it.
There are several things on my mind, I'm at work... so I'm going to address this almost petty issue first. I have a coworker who consciously over the course of three weeks has gone from really cheerful conversing to blatently ignoring me. And the most irritating part has to be when greeted, she stares blankly as though she has no idea who you are, and then turns her head without saying a word. AND there has been no reason to my knowledge or to that of other people in my section for her behavior. It's just a matter of ignoring her obvious dislike now.
SO the shocker.... she's about 58 years old... so I think she's a little old to be playing such an immature game.
So moving along, one of my really good friends is newly out of a relationship, not her choice, and it has gotten me to examine relationships, and my own perspective/take on them. So what is it that men do differently from women? Why does it seem as though men are less affected by the break up of a relationship? I've always had a relatively rosy view of THE relationship, but of course that's been highly influenced by good friends with really long-term relationships. My own experiences have been spotty at best, mostly because of my own nature, and attitude towards men and relationships. I've had one serious relationship, with someone with whom I am still really close, but every other "relationship" has lasted no longer than 3 months, if it even got that far. I do have high standards, but in this day and age, it seems standards work well to knock off any potential disastrous, heartbreaking bad seeds.
I've decided (with the influence of some really good writers) that relationships work best when you have two complete* individuals entering into a relationship. Both people are doing their own thing, and fitting each other into their schedule as their schedule permits, neither are revolving their entire worlds around the other. As for the women, it seems the idea of all eggs in one basket should be taken into consideration... date many at the same time, so the energy, anxiousness, and obsessiveness is much lower because of the divided concentration. This is entirely my opinion, and it is also in my experience that it works well! I've had little time to think about any one individual because there are so many people, and it feels like I have a lot of friends with whom to hang out, and all that jazz, and it doesn't feel like I'm missing out on the whole dating scene.
Anyway, that's not all to the relationship tidbit... another point I wanted to touch on was this whole breaking up ordeal. I've been through it, but now when people come to me, I'm less sympathetic. I've always been brutally honest, and I seem to have a very masculine view about relationships, and so it always comes off as confrontation when I give advice to my girls... but what I don't understand is where this clinginess comes into play. I've always wondered if men are able to distinguish between really being in love with someone from being in love with the relationship.. to be even more wordy, loving the idea of the relationship, of being in a relationship, but not necessarily the other person in that relationship (if that made any sense). It seems as though most women fall for a guy, and I feel like a lot of my friends are into the relationship because of how they're treated, liking that they're dating at all, and of course while they're in the relationship I'm as excited as they are, but it never really seems to be about the other person as much as it is about just being treated right. Maybe it's the effect of all the worst case scenarios out there tainting it for the rest of us, so when we come by something that seems good, we take it, without much scrutiny. I feel like people do settle in relationships, and a portion of those people who do settle feel like that's just it for them, they can't do any better, and the chance that they have in front of them is really their last. They don't pick and choose who they date, they just take what's thrown at them, and with all that into consideration, they cling and dwell. I'm not stating for a fact that this happens.. I do feel that it may be a reason why some people will dwell on the lost relationship, or second guess what they could have done better if they had a second chance.
I sound like a pessimist, but I do believe in second chances, given the right circumstances, and maybe with a LOT of time. I don't think any relationship is fix-able, but I do think that time and experiences change people, and potentially two people who decided to break up will change with those... and could potentially meet up again and decide "WOW this is IT for me". But that's an only-if situation.
But another thing to question... I met someone recently. And from my interaction with the guy, I would have never guessed that he was fresh out of a relationship. It was a two year relationship, so what gives? How is it that he seems so alive and well after only being something like two months out of the relationship, yet showing a very confident exterior? Is it a macho thing? Maybe what this suggests is that women when breaking up should put up that masculine exterior, and maybe then we'll seem less afflicted, and maybe by seeming less afflicted in turn will become less so. That's just a thought, a really random thought.
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